Monogamy vs. Polygamy

We have become immersed in societal, cultural, or religious norms that dictate how we should approach relationships. But what if we removed these restrictions and considered what would human beings’ natural inclination be? Are we actually a species that desires to be in a relationship with one person and one person only for the rest of our lives? If there were no restrictions, would we consider having multiple relationships at once? To determine the answer to this question, we must examine what is at the root of all relationships, which is emotions. People want to be in a relationship because it makes them feel important or special. They want to establish that special bond with someone who no one else has. Is this possible to pull off with multiple people? You could argue that having multiple partners would dilute the special bond you have with any one person. The problem here is also the emotion of jealousy. Jealousy comes from a lack of self-esteem to some degree. You think that someone else has it better than you and that you might not be good enough. But if you had the confidence that your partner loved you as equally as he loved other partners, would that really be a problem?

If you think about the concept of an open relationship from a strictly logical perspective, there are many aspects of it that make sense. Human happiness is ultimately derived from establishing relationships with other people. Why would you only limit yourself to one person in the entire world when there are so many people with so much to offer? You would never invest your entire life savings in one stock, no matter how good you thought it was. Likewise, it is very risky to put your entire emotional stock into one person. If having an open relationship did not detract from your relationship with that person, then wouldn’t it benefit everyone involved? Everyone would be happier because they would have multiple relationships established, multiple special and intimate connections, and would not be devastated if one relationship went wrong because they could fall back on another. I don’t think anyone would be opposed to the idea of having more people love you and being able to express that love.

Society and religion have convinced us that polygamy or having an open relationship is not normal. However, our natural inclination is for us to do what makes us happy. What makes us happy is establishing special connections with people. The more special connections you have, the happier you will be. Sure you can have a ton of friends and family that you care about, but that sort of connection is not on the same level as an intimate relationship. The evidence is there to suggest that this would be a better system. The trend in this generation is getting married much later, having a family without being married, or even just staying single. We hear time and again the problems that arise in marriages from two people just being sick of each other. It is very hard to live with one person for your entire life, no matter how much you care about them. You could relieve a lot of stress and have a much higher success rate in relationships if you agreed to have multiple partners. This isn’t purely sexual relationships either, despite the hook up culture that is engrained in our society. I am talking about having legitimate intimate relationships with more than one person at the same time. This might not work for many people, which is understandable, but I think it is something to at least consider.

Thanks to everyone who read this post. Please like the post if you enjoyed reading, comment if you have feedback, and share with others.

Thanks,

Jeff

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About Pierro Perspective

Die hard Boston sports fan
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3 Responses to Monogamy vs. Polygamy

  1. sue says:

    Jeff,
    I think your argument is flawed because your underlying assumptions have some errors.
    “Society and religion have convinced us that polygamy or having an open relationship is not normal. However, our natural inclination is for us to do what makes us happy. What makes us happy is establishing special connections with people. The more special connections you have, the happier you will be.”
    I don’t think this is true. Today’s culture may seem to say this but it is a lie. The problem is that ultimately, it’s not about YOU. We live in a culture that has become so very narcissistic and we are told that our happiness is the goal in life. The way to get happiness is to surround ourselves with things that make us happy. This is not true. If anything, this idea drains the joy right out of life.
    Look around you at so many people who are having many intimate relationships with many people. These relationships are short-lived and become increasing shorter-lived with each successive one.
    “Everyone would be happier because they would have multiple relationships established, multiple special and intimate connections, and would not be devastated if one relationship went wrong because they could fall back on another.”
    What is special and intimate about a relationship if you have lots of “special and intimate connections”? I think that makes all of them somewhat shallow. If everything is special then nothing is special.
    I think the root of the problem is that we have become so adverse to challenge in life, that we want everything to be nice and easy. A life well lived is not all nice and easy but so much more rewarding. I think you have been strongly influenced by the consumerism that has been pounded into you from birth. “You deserve it!” “You need this car to be happy and cool.” “You want it and you want it now!” You have believed the lie that consumerism also applies to relationships–so many of your generation have swallowed this hook, line, and sinker.
    You can try to protect yourself from hurt by having multiple “special” relationships but it will only lead to greater hurt and loneliness. Look around you at all the hurting people and especially the children that have to live with all these “special” relationships adults keep entering and leaving.
    Taking a risk on one person is a wonderful thing. It is wonderful to grow old with someone! If something happened to my husband tomorrow, yes, it would be devastating to me–but I would have 33+ years of life well lived to help me through the times ahead. Of course I would also have my Savior, Jesus Christ, walking beside me through it all! And that makes all the difference!
    Thanks for reading, Jeff–I’m passionate about this!

  2. sheespeaks says:

    I recently made a podcast on my views of polyamory/open relationships on my blog. My main issue with the concept is if we want the freedom to be with multiple people at once, why not just remain single? As far as the jealousy thing goes, I think that would be natural (considering your sharing a mate). I would actually argue that society makes us think we aren’t capable of being with one person. But to each their own I guess. I don’t condemn it but I don’t condone it. Good read nonethless.
    Cheers!

  3. I think both of you made very good points. Thanks for being willing to read about my perspective and share your views!

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